My girlfriend figured out who you are.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
