You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
