So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
