i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
