It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
