so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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