I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
