Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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