I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
