i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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