I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Everyone says I win the strip club
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
