I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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