Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
