We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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