I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Randomize
