I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
