i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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