Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
