Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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