I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize