I think I died a long time ago.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize