He kissed a someone with a penis
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
