ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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