When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Randomize
