just tell him i said nine months
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
