this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
