i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
