First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
