You smell like a Billy Joel song
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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