based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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