We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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