Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Randomize
