so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
