Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
