tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
