totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
