You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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