One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
