no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
