who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
