STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
