I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
