So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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