he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
We need to get me chipped asap
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
