When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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