so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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