Why are handjobs necessary in class?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
