I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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