seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
