jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
